Getting In Touch

DISCLAIMER: This post was written a while ago – like months. I wasn’t going to post it originally, but something has been tugging at my subconscious lately, and with Halloween and Samhain around the corner, perhaps a personal encounter with meditation and spirituality is right on the menu. It’s a little rough, but the emotion behind it is the important part. I highly suggest anyone who hasn’t meditated before give it a try – you don’t have to be spiritual, you just have to want to relax!

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(If this post is scattered, I’m sorry. My mind is crazy. The post will tell you why.)

With this economy, money can be tight, so I don’t often do things just for myself when they cost something. But tonight was a meditation class at my local Mind and Body Center, and I was really looking forward to it, and felt like it was someplace I needed to go; the Fiance and even my mom both made sure I went (sometimes I tend to skip out at the last minute on stuff like this). So tonight I went, and I can’t explain how happy I am that I did.

The class was a guided meditation to meet one’s spirit guides. I meditate occasionally at home but I don’t usually get anywhere. I have trouble clearing my mind. I thought maybe a guided class would help, so I showed up. First of all, Sandy, the woman who owns the center, was soooo nice. I’ve been trying to get to a meet up there for a while, and when I walked in, she said she was so happy to finally meet me in person. It was a really welcome feeling.

So, fast forward to the actual class. The class was a mixture of people who meditate on a regular basis, who have dabbled, and who have never had success before. There were only 6 people in the class, including myself. The first guided meditation that Sandy led us through was an exercise to enhance visualization; it was great, because when we talked about it afterwards, Sandy validated part of my visualization; I was entering the basket of a hot air balloon, and mentioned that I felt weightless, like I could pole-vault over the side and land gracefully, and that I never had a doubt my body couldn’t perform like that. Sandy said that meant I was truly hitting a meditative state, where my Ego wasn’t telling me what was or wasn’t real anymore. It was a nice feeling, since I always feel like I’m failing while meditating.

After that, we went through an exercise to create a nature space within which to retreat while meditating. Luckily I had experience with this, so I already knew generally where I would go to; I was surprised, then, to find that the area I went to was completely altered tonight. Usually I go through a green forest into a clearing or small field. Tonight, while Sandy led us down a path, my mind showed me the small details I’d always been missing.

The path was dirt-packed and concave, with the mossy and grassy sides rising up along the edge. While the forest in my mind is usually green, tonight it was a thick, dense, wet green, like in the forests of the northwest. Moss was absolutely EVERYWHERE. (I’m curious now, and intend to look up the magickal and symbolic properties of moss.) There were fallen logs, rocks, and green everywhere I looked. Eventually on the right side of the path was a small wooden garden gate. When I walked through it, I took a very short path to an open grove encircled by trees. It was nothing like the grove usually is. I could barely see the sky, the trees and vines were so overgrown. There were fallen logs making a sort of circle, with one log more prominent than the rest. Off from the center of the circle was a hollowed out stump (again, covered in moss), and there was a large tree right behind a fallen log, with a mossy seat cover, that I would sit on and relax. I heard the rustling of the trees and the flapping of wings and the scurrying of little forest rodents beneath the brush. It was so green and secluded. I never wanted to leave.

After exploring this place in my meditation, I was almost pulled out of it by a strong sense of deja vu (which I get uncomfortably frequently). I knew I had been to this exact place before, though not in meditation. I had dreamt of this place, I was remembering just now, and I had dreamt up a conversation with my uncle who passed when I was six. He’s always been very close to my heart, so being torn from my meditation by this memory of a dream with him was so shocking to my system. Almost immediately after having this realization, Sandy began to guide us out of the nature place to awaken. I went from feeling calm and serene to panicked and desperate; I didn’t want to leave, and I didn’t want to leave the feeling of my uncle. It was heart-wrenching. I almost teared up when I opened my eyes. It was profound and a little scary.

The final exercise of the night was the actual meditation to meet our spirit guides, the one we’d all come to the class to do. I knew we would be starting by going back to that place, and I was nervous. Would I have that feeling again? Was this perfect place tainted for me now?

I went into my meditation and back to that grove. It was exactly the same, and there were no ill feelings. There was one thing different this time, a very nice feeling, although it made me curious; on the stump in the center of the grove was a tall white pillar candle, lit. I don’t know if it was to cleanse from the panicked feelings from before, or as a welcome from my spirit guides, but it was nice.

This time we were guided into a room where we would meet our guides. I have to say, I wasn’t really expecting it to work. I figured I would picture the room, wait, and then force myself to come up with an image. That’s not how it happened at all, and it did shock and excite me a little.

My first spirit guide was a woman; she said her name was Ana. I remember lots of details about her, except her face. The very first thing I saw, and the thing that stuck with me, was that she was wearing reddish-brown spiral horns, like ones you could buy at a renaissance faire. It struck me as odd at first; was I picturing some kind of fae or demon creature? Surely they couldn’t actually be spirit guides. But I reminded myself they were probably approaching me in a form that I was most comfortable with, and hell, I’m weird. But as she walked towards me, I felt like they were just another costume piece, easily removable. I think maybe she did that because of my initial surprise at seeing a being with horns.

Ana appeared to me very quietly. She barely spoke a word, but was a strong, stoic, silent character. Stoic is the best word I have to describe her. While I was anticipating an exciting meeting, she made me feel like it was off point to be excited to meet her, because she had been with me my whole life. I already knew her, so we weren’t meeting. We were reuniting.

My second guide was a man named Adam. (What is it with the A names?) He couldn’t have been more different from Ana if he tried. As soon as he appeared, he scooped me up in a huge, twirling hug. He was tall and dark, wearing all white clothes, and had a beaming smile. He almost came off as gay to me. He radiated joyful love to me, while Ana was more deeper love. Both, however, were unmistakably unconditional.

We were to ask if they had any messages for us. Adam responded immediately, “Keep up the good work, kid! Keep on your path. You’re on the right track. Keep on keeping on.” Ana was quieter, quicker. “Reconnect with nature.” Maybe that’s why she feels like a satyr to me. She’s got to be a nature spirit of some sort. Adam is more a life coach type guy.

Our meeting was cut short because, hey, it was only a 2 hour class and we were already hitting close to the end. I reluctantly said goodbye – Adam again hugged me fiercely – and then I journeyed back out to my present self.

I have never - never – EVER had a meditative experience like that before. It was absolutely incredible. I hated the feeling of coming back into my body, and I couldn’t wait to get home and journey back to meet with Ana and Adam again. Sandy, the organizer, said she may run more spirit guide classes in the future, and I will definitely attend.

If you meditate, or are spiritual in any way, and haven’t journeyed to meet your guides yet, I seriously suggest you do so. The brief minutes I spent with them changed how I feel inside. It was crazy.