Running Out Of Balance

Gandhi is quoted as saying, “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.” I love this quote, and the message behind it, so much that I have a picture of him in magnet form on my fridge saying this. I am a firm believer in the idea of believing and practicing before preaching. You can’t really know what you’re talking about otherwise, right?

I looked at my magnet today and felt a deep sense of disappointment in myself. Today, I wasn’t being the change I wish to see. I advocate a healthy, all natural lifestyle, but I haven’t truly been living one lately. As I’ve written about before, I fell and hurt my foot many weeks ago, and since then I’ve been using that as an excuse to stay sedentary and not exercise more.

Today was an absolutely beautiful day, probably near 70. The fiance stayed home, and he decided to go for a run. He asked me if I would like to go, and because I haven’t been exercising, and because I know he wanted me to, I said yes.

Now, I need to stop for a moment and explain something. I hate running. I can ride my bike for hours, or work out at the gym no problem. I love yoga and I enjoy the games and workouts on my Wii Fit. But running has always been unenjoyable and difficult for me, no matter how in shape I am. I’m not sure why. But when the fiance asked if I wanted to go, and explained we would go easy, I said sure. Why not? I need to get back into an exercise routine anyway.

We had barely left the house when it started. I got moody, it hurt to breathe, my foot began to ache, and I started snapping at the fiance. He was cheerful and encouraging, but I was pissy and argumentative. A couple of times I even had to swallow tears. I was having a complete meltdown, all because I was jogging for sixty seconds every two minutes.

We finished the run and went back to the house. I took a shower, and almost immediately I felt better. I was more refreshed and energized. It was the feeling you’re supposed to have while exercising your body. A thought was forming in my mind, but I was focused on the pleasant feelings and the nice shower.

After that, I walked into the kitchen to grab some water and saw my magnet. And it hit me all at once: We’ve both been super stressed lately, with the wedding and money and jobs and other family issues. I haven’t been sleeping well, and my health hasn’t been at its peak. This is all in addition to the lack of exercising. In short, I’ve been in a bad place energetically.

I realized that while I was running, I was forcing myself out of my comfort zone into an activity that pushed my body. And pushing my body stretched my muscles, released tension, and actually exercised my whole. I wasn’t being moody because I was unhappy, I was moody because my body was actually purging the negativity and stagnant energy I’ve been harboring. By completing an activity that stretched my body and wasn’t just easy, I was giving my body the release it needed to “sweat out the bad stuff”, so to speak. And I felt great after my shower, because I was rinsing away all that negativity.

I preach to others about living a balanced and healthy lifestyle. But I have not been doing that for myself lately. Going for that run today, and being reminded of Gandhi’s words, all put this into perspective for myself. With spring coming, the faire on my mind, and thoughts of school and a career in alternative health, I got a wake-up call that I’ve been looking towards the future too much and neglecting my own well being.

I’m happy to say that we’re going running again tomorrow, and I’ve scheduled an appointment at my local holistic center for a wellness consultation. Obviously I’m out of balance, and I really need to be centered if I want to move forward. This experience, while being a knock on the head for me, is also a great tool when teaching others: never worry so much about the well being of others that you neglect yourself! You can’t change the world if you can’t change yourself.